It has been a few months since last I wrote in here but I do have a personal diary that I write in so that not everything I think, say or do will end up on the web. That one I can at least burn and there will be no evidence! BOOYA!
Any-who...
I write here today to tell of the newest predicament in the 'Motherhood of Our Lives' drama.
I received an email from Marcus' 'sperm-donor' two days ago through Myspace. I was quite shocked (to say the least) because I thought never to hear from him ever again.
Well I gave him a call and he told me that he has left his wife and is coming back down from Panama City back to Fort Lauderdale and he wants to make it up to Marcus and I for the last two years of not being there.
Three emotions are going through my system right now and I am having trouble dealing with reality because of them.
First emotion: Anger!
How dare he contact me out of the blue just because he feels bad for the past two years. He doesn't deserve to be in Marcus' life. If he didn't want to be there from the beginning he needn't be here now! Fuck him!
Second emotion: Happiness.
I am happy that Marcus' will finally have his dad in his life. In fact I am beyond thrilled for it. I hope that it is a permanent thing and not a trick.
Third emotion: Trepidation (emotion right?)
What if it is a trick and he wants to hurt Marcus or take him away from me. What if he is still a loser and does drugs like before. What if what Matthew said is true and he is using my son to get back together with me. Oi!
So this is where I am at. He shall arrive in SoFla in exactly 7 days. It should be interesting to say the least. Conversations on the phone have been definitely awkward. Yikes. So confused.
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